It has been more than a quarter of a year since my last entry. Gosh! That's long! And so much has happened during these 3 months or so that I feel a little overwhelmed to tell all.

Work has been challenging and settling into it is a daily struggle that I'm still going through. More than anything, I'm realising more and more things about myself that had always been there but I never saw it til now. And they are both good and bad. Kudos to my friends, family and fiance for being able to see past all the bad and still keep me close to their heart.

My personal life and personal time has drastically deteriorated even though most of my friends and family are on the same island as me now. And at times I feel even more distant from them than when I was living in another country which makes me a little sad.

More than anything, I want to have as much personal time as I can right now and spend as much time as I can with those close to me. But unfortunately that has not been happening. Maybe it's me not having enough time because of work or friends who are simply busy and the fact that our work schedules always clash. I honestly regret that because I know that by next year, I will not have this anymore. Unlike when I was living in Phuket for work where I knew that I would eventually come back and we can always rekindle that friendship. I know for a fact that the next time I move from Singapore to live in another country, that will be permanent. I will not have those same friends and family by my side anymore and I know that I will miss them to the very core of my heart. And that is why I feel this urgency to try and spend as much time as I can with them.

BUT IT'S JUST NOT HAPPENING! And I feel so saddened by it. I feel so tired by it and makes me miss those that are far away even more. People like Mathias, Praisie, Toy, Maan, Luck, Sue and Miss Banana. And it's nobody's fault but my own. My erratic schedule and my fatigue at the end of a long work day makes me just want to fall into bed and not get up until I have to go to work again.

What a vicious cycle this is. What an utterly depressing vicious cycle this is. Do I have the strength of body and mind to break it?

I don't know. I honestly don't know anymore.